In the last month, my bed has seen some objectively hot action. I've had numerous chicks in my bed -- as many as three in one night. How many have I hooked up with -- zero (0). Tragically, I've become "friend guy (FG)."
I always used to make fun of FG -- you know, the dude who always likes girls, but the girls always tell him they "don't want to mess up their friendship". I always thought that he brought it upon himself -- it was some inherent character flaw in the guy. Apparently, that's not true -- it's just bad luck. Here are some highlights of my newfound "frienddom".
Halloween Weekend
So I come home on Halloween with two chicks - NIICE. Unfortunately, they are two of my friends. I end up sleeping in my bed between two girls, one of whom has decided that she wants to cuddle with me like I'm her boyfriend (yea, she really told me that). I wake up at 4 in the morning sweating balls in flannel pants and a sweatshirt. I escaped from spooning and went to sleep on the couch -- Apparently a menage a trois isn't as fun as it sounds.
Birthday Weekend
One of my female friends is celebrating her birthday -- we go out, get ripped, etc. She sleeps over. Everything is fine until the morning, when it becomes clear that she has pissed all over the bed -- I mean, half the bed is covered with her piss -- imagine the most someone has ever pissed, and then imagine that on my bed. Good times.
Unfortunately, it appears that I am destined to continue these platonic sleepovers. However, on the plus side, I love all my girls very much. Getting my bed pissed on is a small price to pay for being able to play Jack Tripper to my great girl friends. I apologize for getting sappy -- all future posts from me will again be brimming with vitriol.
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